An MS Day Off- I awoke this morning to find it had snowed lightly overnight. This winter does not want to end. When I stepped out of bed I found the post-acupuncture relief from the previous evening’s treatment had been washed away and my feet were numb. In addition, the numbness affecting the back of my legs and buttocks had returned with zeal. A walk to the bathroom caused me to realize my balance was off as well. I knew what this all meant and I was loathe to do it- take a day off work.
For me taking a day off work due to normal circumstances is a joy and something to be looked forward to. To take a day off due to multiple sclerosis is crushing as it reminds me, like someone’s extended middle finger pressed to my nose, that I am a person living with a disease. It shakes my foundation and causes me to wonder if the choices and efforts I’ve made in terms of diet and exercise were even worth it. I begin to doubt myself.
Lying here in bed as I type this onto the touch screen of a tablet computer, I am pissed off; pissed off for even allowing thoughts like those to enter my head. I have to remain positive and focussed; I have to force myself to remember I’ve bounced back from every flare up and every attack. I also have to remind myself that sometimes the body needs rest and it is okay to take a day off. I can and will beat this thing.
Oddly enough, the quote running through my head right now is from the least likely of sources- the early 1980’s movie, “Fast Times at Ridgemont High.” I keep thinking about Jeff Spicoli (Sean Penn) when he is in a professional surfing dream sequence and exclaims to the sports announcer, “its a way of looking at that wave and saying, ‘hey bud, lets party.'” I guess that is how I try to look at MS- a challenge. Multiple Sclerosis isn’t a fun challenge like surfing (I actually failed miserably at surfing in September), but a challenge nonetheless.
It is my choice whether I’m positive about facing the challenge or negative. I know I’ll have a better chance if I stay positive.
**Menu for past twelve hours
Dinner last night- left overs from the previous evening
Breakfast- Banana and coconut flour pancakes with maple syrup
Lunch- organic (glucose free) tomato soup
Exercise- none today
Until next time,
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